Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I cannot believe we arrived here a week ago today. It has been a wild and crazy ride full of unexpected twists and turns filled with both sadness and joy. Sorry to my family who was waiting to see our blog yesterday and not getting one. We got in late and I was too tired to go to the internet cafe. Yesterday was rainy which certainly matched the sadness we went through yesterday as Roman's final decision was no. It was unbelieveable the 180 degree turn Roman took after he gave us such a warm reception when we were reunited. What a difference 24 hours make. Griselda felt like her heart had been ripped apart despite that on Sunday we had the strong impression that was going to be his answer, but it was still very hard to hear. After preparing for this day for nearly a year and communicating with Roman on the phone and Roman constantly telling us he could not wait for us to get him, Griselda's love as a mother for him was very deep and poignant.

Jenya who I mentioned in a previous blog is a very nice boy and Griselda would have liked to have adopted him since Roman said no but his papers will not be legally ready for adoption until January 19, 2011. So for those looking for a really good boy he will be available then. He was sad when he found out he had to wait but said that he would patiently wait for someone.

The first day we were here we were introduced to a really cute little 13 year old boy named Dima. He looks 10 or 11 because he is so short. I could never get him off of my mind. We kept hearing such good things about him. In the afternon when we went to see Vlad we also had Dima come only to see more of what he was like and nothing was to be said to him about adoption. After a short while Dima had to go to football practice (Soccer in the Ukraine) and Vlad was begging Mom for us to adopt him. I was all for it but Griselda's heart was very guarded and she was so scared that her heart would be ripped apart again even though she liked him. Last night she said it would be my decision so of course I said yes and was very excited but Griselda was still nervous but was hesitantly willing to take the chance. So this morning Oleg took us to meet him and ask him if he wanted to be adopted by us and he said of course. While we were with Dima Vlad called and wanted to know what was Mom's decision. Little did he know that we were meeting with Dima and that Dima had just said yes. I handed the phone to Dima so he could tell Vlad and then Dima handed the phone to Griselda. Vlad was so excited and yelled out a cheer. Dima was taken out of class in order for him to meet with us and had to go right back. After leaving Dima, Oleg took us to a notary to sign some documents to get the paper work for Dima started and then left for Keiv to turn in documents with the State Department of Adopton (SDA) to get the ball rolling so we can have our interview and get our permission papers to adopt Dima. If all goes well we will be going to Kiev later this week to meet with the SDA.

This afternoon we met with both Vlad and Dima and took them to a local market for an ice cream and to talk. They had just come back from having their blood drawn for a blood test we requested Vlad was hurting from it but Dima was OK. Vlad had to leave and Dima was supposed to go to football (soccer) practice but decided he wanted to be with us instead. Griselda has a degree in Teaching English as a Second Language so he gave Dima his first English lesson from her. It went great and he was an awesome student. All the teachers, administrators, and the school psychologist thanked us profusely for being willing to take Dima because he wanted so badly to be adopted and they all said he was the best kid there so they were all so happy he can now be adopted. So many of them wanted to talk to us and answer any questions we might have. They all said we were so good to take him. Dima is going to fit right in with our family so despite the sadness good things still happened. The truth is if we had not hosted Roman the last three days of his hosting last year we would have never know about Vlad and then have had to opportunity to adopt Dima. So despite the hurt we had felt from Roman's rejection he had led us to the road we are on now. The Lord definitely works in mysterious ways. I just wish we did not have to suffer the deep hurtful emotions along the way but I guess that is how we grow.

We had recieved another call from Vlad today soon after we met with Dima for the first time this morning saying that Roman's Mother and Grandmother were there and wanted to talk to us about Roman going to the United States. I thought that they were going to tell us Roman changed his mind and they were going to try to talk us into taking Roman again. It turned out it was Roman's Mother and Aunt. They were waiting for us when we went to see Dima and Vlad this afternoon and they wanted to apologize profusely for Roman's change of heart and they said that Roman had been waiting anxiouly all this past year for us to come and get him. We are also told this by the administrators and some of his other teachers. They just felt so bad that we had came all the way over from the United States to have kind hearts to adopt him and they so very much wanted that for him and the opportunites that would be available to him. They could not believe his change of heart. The mother (the parents parental rights were taken away several years ago) said that the one teacher who talked him out of it and claims she is very fond of Roman had told Roman that after we met with him the first day that the teacher had told him we would take Roman to the United States and we would be nice to him at first and then sell him for body parts. How cruel is that?! I do not know if Roman believes it but this one particular teacher has so much influence over him that she was able to persaude Roman to quickly change his heart and mind. This teacher inquired about taking guardianship over Roman versus adoption yesterday. We were told that with guardianship she would get paid by the government and if she adopted him she would not get paid. So if this is true it may be she was looking at it for the money. How sad.

There was a sister we met at the branch Sunday who invited us to come to her apartment Monday night with the missionaires for a family home evening in which a non-member would be there. It was an awesome experience. Her rundown apartment is very humble and she has five kids living at home. They have to share a kitchen and bathroom with three other families. She really had nothing. Most everyone sleeps on old beat up fold out sofas in the living area which is quite cramped. Part of the FHE lesson was on gratitude and she expressed how grateful she was to our Heavenly Father because she has everything. For her everything was the Gospel of Jesus Christ and her family for she had nothing of significance materially. She is a widow as her husband was killed by some drunks. However, she is so grateful to have the Gospel and to know that she will see her husband again and her children has the knowledge to know where their Father is now. Talk about a humbling experience for us. I had the the opportunity to bear my testimony and it felt great and it almost like I was on a mission again since there was a non-member investigator there. We came away with a greater appreciation for what we have and how grateful we should be to have the Gospel. This lady also has a very cute daugher who is almost 15 and unbeknownst to me Griselda gave her Vlad's phone number on Sunday so she called Vlad and introduced herself and came over and talked to Vlad for 3 hours with much of the discussion being about the church. The girl told us that Vlad does want to go to church but is scared about a mission. I think Vlad likes her. One thing Vlad had told us was that he was not sure if American girls would like him so he thought the he might have to come back to the Ukraine someday to get a Ukrainial girl friend. Well???...

Thanks again for all you prayers, love, and support. This has definitly given us the strength to get through the trial with Roman and things look to be working out for us in other ways that we had not foreseen. So things are definitly looking bright and we are moving on!

Griselda says that our journey is similar to the show 24 in that there have been so many unexpected twists and turns. So she says stay tuned for the next unexpected twist. Quite frankly I am done with the twists and turns unless they are positive. What an adventure!

10 comments:

Wendy said...

Oh my. What an adventure.
I sent you an email. Let me know if you got it.

The Loves said...

My goodness! I have never heard such a direct example of "when the Lord closes one door, He opens another"... I am sorry about Roman. What a joyous surprise for you, Vlad and Dima, though!

Christy Hinkson said...

WOW, What a roller coaster you have been on. We know how your heart is hurting and we are so sorry for Roman's decision. I feel so thrilled that it is working out with Vlad and we can't wait to see a picture of Dima. If you find a way to email a picture of him to someone, have them send a copy to us. Tell us more about Dima when you can. What a wonderful window to have opened when the door with Roman was shut. I wanted to tell you what Vlad's favorite food was when he was here. He loved any kind of pancake, frybread, crepe kind of thing and they love to eat them with sour cream and jam. Just a thought if you want to surprise him. I am sure he already is so thrilled to be having such a great family. Congratulations. Good luck with your trip back to Kiev.

Andreas said...

Wonderful post!! One thing that you now understand is that the this hosting stuff is not for the faint of heart. From the moment you decide to host your child, to when you adopt, to when you come home, to when you begin your new life as a family --- it is a ride on the universe's extremely unpredictable and emotional roller coaster. When we all get to the end of our earthly lives and step off, we'll be able to look back and say 'wow, I really did it!'.

It was meant to be with Roman. As hard as it is, one thing we learned from our failed adoption was that God does give us more than we can handle, and for whatever reason, he did that for you. Have faith that he was looking out for you.

God bless you!!

Danielle said...

We have been waiting anxiously for you latest update. I was teary eyed while reading your post, perhaps because we are experiencing the same emotions and adventures as you. David and I pray for you all each night and morning, even though we are in different areas of Ukraine it's nice to know that you and the Hales are "close" by. Thinking of you.
Danielle
Oh, I was going to ask if I may share a part of this post with a dear friend of mine. She is speaking in church on gratitude this Sunday and your story about your wonderful FHE would be something I am sure she would love to share with the members of our ward. If you don't feel comfortable with me sharing it, I understand, please let me know either way. Oh and also I was going to let you know there is a little device that you can buy, it is called People net, it is portable internet. You buy minutes and they are pretty inexpensive. In fact, we are on the internet for a good part of each day and we have only gone through about 100 gryvnas of usage since our arrival over a week ago. Hopefully this helps and you don't need to find an internet cafe.

Danielle said...

Okay me again. Is Dima the same child that is freinds with the Stockwell's children? They mentioned him, I believe, in their blog while in Ukraine. There are pictures of Dima on their blog back in July of this year. I just noticed that people were wanting to see pictures of him, I hope this is the same child the Stockwell's mentioned. He is a beautiful child. If it is not him, then sorry I just sent you on a wild goose chase.

Danielle

Wendy said...

I emailed about the same thing and sent a picture off of Stockwells blog of Dima. Let me know if this is the same little guy you're adopting. If not, no worries. If so we could post his picture on the SAC website for everyone to see?
W

Lori said...

We are so happy you found your two boys. What a life-changing experience you are having. We hope things calm down now and the adoptions go along quickly and smoothly.

Darlene Minjares said...

What a roller coaster ride. I feel bad for Roman because one day he may have regrets. Hopefully not. Maybe he has a mission there still. No doubt, his life will be better having had a connection with you. If he has regrets, I'll bet he'll work towards freedom on his own, and maybe he'll make it over here one day, or maybe he'll help those that cannot help themselves there, doing what Oleg does. Our prayers are with you. It will be so nice when everything is settled. Somehow we appreciate most what we have worked the hardest for. Vlad and Dima are fortunate boys, because you and Griselda will appreciate them like nobody in their lives ever have, and because you have worked so hard for them, you will love them even more. Mom sends her love to all of you. She already feels strong love for the boys. She looks forward to your blogs. Love to you all, and hope all goes smoothly from here.

Margie said...

Hello you two, I am so sorry for the pain you have experienced. Adoption is not for the weak. It is hard to understand why we have to go through the pain, but I do think that a previous writer is correct, it will make you love and appreciate these boys even more, which is really needed when they are trying your patience once you get home!! I am wondering if you met with my nephew, Elder Kofoed? I am sure you did since he is the Sumy elder. Tell him to get to work on your boys!!